A Met her Polyamorist Puerto Rican Papi through a mutual friend a while back. Fresh with heartbreak and sick-and-tired-of-being-sick-and tired, she wasn't interested in anything serious, and agreed to enter a Polyamorous relationship with him.
Polyamory - noun.
The philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.
The rules of their relationship were created in a way such that, he was allowed to enter and date whomever, whenever, while she chose to be committed to only him. Getting used to this as a monogamous woman and breaking those monogamous habits, were one of A's biggest struggles along the way; including distrust and discomfort . Regardless A continues her Polyamerist Relationship today, with the understanding that for all love is, a possesion it isn't. Keep reading as she answer's her most asked questions from friends and family who can't seem to understand...
Have I explored polyamory for myself?
Yes, a few times I attempted to engage in having a second partner but all were are short lived because I have a hard time creating a separate space to accommodate for the emotions of multiple people. When I did find myself having the desire to be with someone, it was only because I was not fully satisfied with Puerto Rican Papi or I was angry with whatever situation that was happening; And in my eyes that was the equivalent to cheating. You shouldn't seek others because you are not happy, you should only seek other partners when you have a true desire to know them and can give them what they need without neglect or mistreatment. So I have not yet successfully dated anyone else other than my main significant other.
Has he engaged in relationship with any new partners?
Yes. A few times that I know of for sure, probably more.
How did I cope?
Each time, not well at all L-O-L. The situations were all complicated and unique in their own way. All of which surfaced in ways of him being dishonest or simply being selfish. I eventually requested a new rule: He had to tell me before he engaged with someone else sexually I would have the right to choose if I wanted to continue our relationship on that level.
Has he hurt you?
I thought, with the way he lived his life, he'd always keep us safe and be honest. But he eventually broke my one rule. So yes, I've been hurt, the same type of way as with monogamy. I've cried many tears, and I've also been jealous, but it takes a strong will to keep working through it. I can never fault him for certain things that I agreed to in the beginning, because he was who he was before I met him and I repeat, I have no desire to change who he is.
Am I in love with him today?
No, I believe that to love someone and to be in love are two separate choices. I think a person’s ability to separate the two is very important. I love him and accept him for all that he is and for now, that will suffice, making the choice to fall in love with someone you know you can’t have a future with is just silly to me.
Is he in love with me?
No, I also think he, like myself, has no desire to fall in love. He gives love in a way that only he knows how. But when my love cup is running low, he never let’s it get empty, and that makes all the difference.
So what's the point in being with someone if you don't see a future?
A question that I get asked often. The best answer that I can give is simply, I love this man. I believe that happiness is subjective, and for me currently my happiness and direction are not dependent on what we may have later in life. It's about living in the moment of right now. And to love someone unconditionally means to accept them and love them to the best of your ability regardless of the circumstances, because that is what I want in return. For now I am satisfied and I am enjoying my relationship for what it is, just two people helping and loving each other. I do have a mental expiration date in mind, and that's only because I know that I want a baby and get married.
To those that're interested in Poly living: it's not all about threesomes and non-stop fucking. My partner and I actually never had a threesome. Instead, It's about loving someone free from the natural instinct to posses. People are not possessions. A person can leave at any given moment and there’s nothing you can do about it, poly or not. If you love them you shouldn’t want to stop them from true happiness anyway, even if it’s not with you.
If you do want to try it out, I'd warn that Poly living requires complete honesty, fluidity and clear communication. If you cannot do any one of those things, then it'll be difficult adjusting. On the upside, poly living allows partners the freedom and flexibility to explore attractions within others, while maintaining what you have with your main partner. It can mean physical connections or just emotional, or neither. And it can be done without the feeling of guilt.
But What do you think?
Could you share your lover in the name of Polyamery? Could you explore love within another without feeling guilty? Let us know in the comments below.
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